Break Bad Habits

Build Better Ones

Become Better Men

 - Nate Whitson -

How do you get somebody to change who seems resistant to it - but says they really want to?

That's the question I was wrestling with the other day.

I've got a buddy of mine who wrestles with a porn addiction and can't seem to find his way out of the darkness.

But when you talk to him, he really (and I think, genuinely) wants to change and hates the battle he's in.

So, what's a guy like that supposed to do?

In fact, what would you say to a friend or child of yours who was dealing with this issue (or any other issue that they're fighting hard to find progress in)?

For many of us, we might give some common solutions like this:

•      Pray harder
•      Try harder
•      Visualize harder

But how many times has that seemed to do the trick for you or anyone else you know?

It's not like those aren't good things to do, by the way.  It's just that those things are rarely enough by themselves.

Here's what I think men might need more of:

Clarity.

In particular, clarity of direction.

For example, my buddy is praying daily and visualizing the future he wants (which includes being free of this stronghold), and he is trying as hard as he knows how to fight against it.  

But so far, it hasn't been enough.

What I think he might need is a pathway that is cleared of the debris that's holding him down and clearer, more specific steps toward his goal.

The reason for this is that his willpower (and your willpower) is exhaustible.  

When temptation shows up for him, it's typically at the end of the day when he's physically and mentally worn out and his willpower is shot, too.

So, clarity of direction is crucial for him in these moments.

That might include things like: 

• Lock the phone in a safe at 8:30 pm each night and don't touch it until the next morning after breakfast.
• Call or text a buddy each night at 9:00 pm to check in and share any vulnerabilities he's feeling.
• Put a porn blocker on every device.
• No television or devices after 8:00 pm.

You get the idea.

These specific actions trump willpower every time.  

Simply telling someone to "act like a man" or "give your troubles to Jesus" sounds good, but lacks the clarity that a man might need to overcome the weaknesses found in willpower alone.

So, what are the areas of your life that you're struggling to overcome or need to change?

If you’re hitting a wall with willpower, the issue might not be effort—it’s likely that you're missing clear direction.
You don’t just need to try harder. You need to see more clearly.

Get brutally honest about where your life is headed right now—and where God actually wants to lead you.

Then pray.
Ask God for more of that vision.
Picture the man He’s calling you to become.
And let that clarity give your effort purpose—and your struggle more meaning.

That’s where real change begins.

Nate

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P.S.

What area of your life do you feel like you're struggling to change the most today?

What have you already tried and why do you think that change has been so hard or elusive?

Hit "reply" to this email and let me know.  I'd love to hear!

And/or check out this free program I created for Christian men who want to change, have struggled to do so, and are ready today.