Better Husbands

Better Fathers

Better Followers of Jesus

Better Men

 - Nate Whitson -

"Sex is just not very important to my wife.  But it's important to me.  I just don't know what to do right now."

This is what a man said to me recently after a coaching session about porn.

Unfortunately, this is a pretty common refrain that I hear from men when they finally find a safe space to talk about sex.

Like most men I talk to, this man loves his wife and they have "a pretty good marriage".

But this unspoken divide is crushing his heart and killing his marriage.

What he expressed to me in our short conversation is what often happens when there is a disconnect like this regarding sex in marriage.

• Bitterness creeps in and takes a seat.
• Isolation makes it feel worse and like you're the only one dealing with this issue.
• Men are tempted to cheat with fantasy, porn, or infidelity.

So what can you do?

Talk about sex with your wife!  That's always the answer.

But if you're like most men, that's not as easy as it sounds.  Am I right?

As true as that may be, don't let the difficulty of talking about sex stop you from doing the hard, right thing.  Avoiding the conversation because it's difficult or because you've "tried that already and it didn't work" isn't the answer.  

You'll stay stuck, disillusioned, and bitter if you do. (...and your sex life won't get any better either!)

That is why I wrote, "Let's Talk About SEX!".  This dilemma is super common and while we know the solution is to talk about sex - most men simply don't know how or where to start.

If that's you, I'd encourage you to check it the book.  It's super practical, short, and full of exact questions to ask so you don't have to figure it out on your own.

But even if you don't, here's what I suggest if you want to have a thriving (or at least BETTER!) sex life and marriage:

Stop avoiding the awkwardness you feel about having this conversation with your wife!

Recognize that the thing you fear the most is likely coming from an enemy of your marriage who doesn't want you to talk about this together.

Kick that dummy to the curb and act like a man who is fighting for the heart of his wife and the future of his marriage (--> you are!).

Do this/Start here:

Sit your wife down someday (or write her a letter if that's easier) and let her know that you want to find time to talk about your marriage and sex life and learn all about HER.  

Tell her you want to be the best husband and lover you can be for HER and that it's important to you to communicate, talk, and grow your marriage. 

Make the first move toward talking about sex and marriage about serving HER first.

Yes, you'd like to talk about YOU - but that's not the best approach.  Start with her and how you can improve as a husband for her benefit and see where it leads you.

Then, when you've started the conversation (no matter how well it goes this first time), it'll be easier to introduce something like my book and the tons of questions I give you for a more thorough and ongoing conversation about sex down the road.

Have that first, hard conversation and see what God does to strengthen your marriage and sex life too.

Nate

P.S.

Do you find it difficult to talk about sex with your wife?

Most men say they do.

Even good/great marriages indicate that this is an area for major improvement.

Email me and let me know your story.  What are your biggest challenges or obstacles in your marriage today?  📧 [email protected]

If you're struggling in this area and want a better sex life and stronger marriage, click here.