Better Husbands
Better Fathers
Better Followers of Jesus
Better Men
- Nate Whitson -
I was talking with one of my daughters this past weekend about a problem she had.
There's a girl she struggles to be around who keeps showing up at church events and clinging to her, demanding all her attention.
Long story short, this girl is needy and it's wearing out my daughter.
I don't know if you have any needy people in your life, but they can be hard to handle and hard to love.
That led us to talk about the real issue going on in this other girl's life: she was desperate for friendship and just didn't know how to act.
I explained to my daughter that my heart hurts for people like this and told her to consider how it would feel to be the one who:
- No one texts to just say 'hey!' or to check in on them
- There's no one there for her to turn to when she's feeling down
- She doesn't have any inside jokes between her and her besties that they can laugh about and share with one another
I hate that for that girl and I hate that for the many men I know or see at church, online, at work, or in so many other places who feel what this girl feels.
Alone.
Always the outsider.
Sad.
Wishing they had someone who cared.
If that's you today, I just want you to know that I care. I know that may not do much in terms of easing the pain you feel or helping you solve the problem of friendship completely, but I really do care and I know other men do, too. I want you to find friends and think this may help.
Here's some things that maybe you can try to help you build some friendships in your life:
- Take some risks to invite someone to hang out. I know it's scary and you've probably tried already, but please don't stop trying now.
- When they say yes and you meet up with them, ask them questions and listen more than you talk. Have 3-4 questions in the top of your mind to help you get the conversation going. That's totally okay.
- Keep it short. Let them know you'd just like to learn more about them and what they do with no strings attached and just for a half hour or so. A short timeframe can make it easier for someone to say yes to this and, if things go well, it's easier to meet longer the next time you get together.
- Understand that not everyone will be a good fit - and that's okay. Keep having coffee or a drink with someone, and eventually there will be a brother who shows up and you'll connect easily and want to do it again.
- Keep praying for God to help you make more friends.
I hate that some men feel lonely. It breaks my heart. God has blessed me with so many wonderful friendships that it makes me want that for them, too.
We were made for one another and far too many Christian men feel alone in this world. That's why I created a free, online community exclusively for Christian men. To help us be the men God meant for us to be...together! If you're not a part of it yet, you should check it out. Here's some more information about it if you're interested.
For those of you blessed by great friendships, this is my appeal to you: look around you! Invite someone new to have coffee with you sometime. Ask God to give you compassion for your brothers and never underestimate the power of a kind word or small invitation to hang out. You might be the answer to some other brother's prayer!
Nate
P.S.
I don't think anyone who is a believer in Jesus ought to feel alone.
We need one another and whether you realize it or not, your friendship with someone else may be the very thing they need to be the best man they can be. Here's a great place to connect and find friends from around the world if you're not sure where to start.
Be intentional to encourage another brother - preferably someone in your church or community who you know struggles to build friendships. Be Jesus to that person this week.
